i just sat in front of my laptop for 6 hours to hammer out my lab report. the structure is done; i just need to refine it tonight. for now, i need to prepare for my fourth meeting this weekend. i feel more like an event organiser than a student in london man.

doing work is perversely satisfying.
[[ espoyr ]] * 16:47
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I'm with you - Avril Lavigne

I'm standing on the bridge
I'm waiting in the dark
I thought that you'd be here by now
There's nothing but the rain
No footsteps on the ground
I'm listening, but there's no sound

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

I'm looking for a place
I'm searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
Cause nothing's going right and
Everythings a mess
And no one likes to be alone

Isn't anyone trying to find me?
Won't somebody come take me home

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Why is everything so confusing
Maybe I'm just out of my mind

It's a damn cold night
Trying to figure out this life
Won't you, take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new
I don't know who you are but I, I'm with you
I'm with you

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is it very hard for others to understand why i feel so lonely?
[[ espoyr ]] * 15:56
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hahaha, i am applying to volunteer at a soup kitchen, and i just suddenly thought of neopets. too bad i forgot my password alr; my poor pet is dying, lol.
[[ espoyr ]] * 23:24
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i went to manchester for the day! erhh, but i didn't visit the football (not soccer okay) stadium, hahaha. i went for the christmas markets and shopping malls instead. manchester is like a smaller london -- very bustling but the city centre can be covered (by foot) in a day.

there were a series of seven xmas markets! it's german-themed, but there were participants from other european countries (like hungary and holland) as well. there were so much beer, mulled wine, roast hog & sausages flowing! because it was a german-themed market, i decided to go with the looooong spiced sausage with onions on a roll. then i had some yummy chocolate with banana fudge and soft nougat. it was so cold in manchester today, but the atmosphere compensated.

i wanted to do a manicure (£10 only!); i wanted to buy this angel made of recycled marterials; i wanted to buy this herbal heat pack. but i decided to save money. what a good girl i am. hahahaha.

when i got home, i ate only vegetables and a bit of cereal for dinner, because i was not feeling that secured. but that's okay right? normal ppl eat less when they ate more earlier. i'm normal; i want to be normal.

this is becoming an ED-focused blog. but i guess that's my life for now. things will get better!

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oh, i was supposed to study on the train to and fro manchester, but lousy virgin trains were so jerky that i got nauseous looking at the text. instead, i spent my time cooking up lyrics to "My Favourite Things" from the sound of music. erm, the words don't rhyme, but never mind.

My Favourite Things

Receiving letters and Hops over puddles,
Reading books in bed and Mommy's fried cabbage,
Wide arches formed by two rows of tall trees,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Blossomed sunflowers and Freshly-baked pastries,
Tokyo's Disneyland and Afternoon baking,
Exploring new places with my loved ones,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Bustling food markets and Slow jogs in Springtime,
Perfect mee chang kueh and Chocolate-filled candies,
Snuggling to Barry** under the duvet,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When ED bites,
When I'm stressed out,
When there's only me,
I simply remember my favourite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.

**Barry (or Beary) is my bear's name. =P
[[ espoyr ]] * 21:34
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I AM METAPHORICALLY BOUNCING OFF THE WALLS.

here's the story: i invited yingtong over for dinner, because i was making pizza (from scratch!). and i overate, because i spent too much time at the dining table. and after the "feast" walking around in london earlier in the day, i was feeling absolutely massive and insecured. alarm bells were ringing like mad in my head, and i was all set on purging.

AND THEN. thankfully, yingtong lingered around for a while post-dinner. the extra time helped A LOT. plus, i saw the post-its jasm sent to me. thankfully, my logical (but retarded) side kicked in, and i GAVE UP THE IDEA OF PURGING.

now i'm happily (okay, maybe not that happily) sitting in my room, feeling like a gigantic lump of fats, but JUST IMMENSELY GLAD THAT I DIDN'T BREAK MY STREAK.

i never knew i was capable of this! =D

okay, the insecured part is still here, so i have to keep repeating "i have people who love me regardless" to myself. and now i think i will plunge myself into the ocean of work to distract myself. wheeeeeeeee.




oh, btw, i made (i am using italian for fun! =D) pizza di cinque formaggio giardino (five-cheese garden pizza) and più di prosciutto e formaggio (more than ham & cheese). the former is pizza with a tomato base, topped with mixed peppers, mushrooms, tomato and darn a lot of cheeses (blue cheese, gloucester with chives cheese, red leicester cheese, something cheese with cranberry & cheddar cheese); the latter is pizza also with a tomato base, topped with rosemary, salami, mozarella, olives, rocket leaves & a sunny-side-up! the pizza dough itself wasn't what i wanted though. i wanted thin and bread-like, true italian-style, but i didn't spread it thin enough, so it was like focaccia. oh well, it was still yummy, so who gives a damn? =D

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random thought:
i rearranged my furniture this morning, so that my bed is not along the wall that leaks water anymore. now i feel slightly disoriented, like i'm supposed to turn left instead of right to my bed now. hahaha.
[[ espoyr ]] * 20:55
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maybe it was the xmas spirit in the air. today, i was supposed to go swimming, but due to unforseen circumstances (the very reason i'm a woman, haha), i had to ditch that plan. instead, i wilfully abandoned my insecurity (and books), and went to walk around randomly to feast.

went to covent garden's jubilee market, where i tried my first (i think) savoury scone (cheese & spinach)! hahaha, i think i prefer the sweet ones though. and i also had this gigantic pau that looked like an upsized xiao long pau, and was really yummy! =D

now, i'm feeling slightly stuffed and a bit crappy/insecured. but i will survive. (:

i happened to walk down this street, which i previously walked down once; that was when i first got to london and my parents were with me. this wave of sadness hit me suddenly, because i miss having people to rely on. like i could just get lost, but it would be alright, because my father will find the way back for me. but i'm okay; i can stand on my own feet as well, because when i fall, people will be there to catch me (i hope, hahaha).

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oh, and still on the issue of food, i finally ate in my school's canteen on wed. there's good reason why i had nvr eaten there before: there are only 3 stalls! one selling sandwiches, one selling pizza, and one selling british food (meat, veg or pasta options only). they werent very cheap either, at almost £4 per dish. and they weren't very nice. hahaha. i tried the vegetarian option, which was lentil pie with potato wedges and roasted parsnip that day, and it was just alright, i suppose. BUTBUTBUT, the comfort of warm food (esp in windy november) is so worth it, haha.
[[ espoyr ]] * 16:44
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i didnt slp well last night. the wind was so strong, i witnessed the bush clinging on to the fence for dear life. i relished the warmth of my duvet, but i was worrying for the homeless on the streets. walking home from school in the howling winds was a pain already; how would a long night without shelter feel?
[[ espoyr ]] * 20:35
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